Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Weigh-in: DOWN 50 LBS!!!!

I lost a total of 5 lbs this week, so I'm officially DOWN 50LBS today!!!! That means I'm ten pounds shy of the halfway point and only 8 pounds away from a BMI in the "obese" range as opposed to the "extremely obese" range. To me, the latter is the more meaningful. I guess I'm a pessimist, but I never really thought I'd make it this far. 120 pounds is an enormous goal, and I just didn't think I wanted it that bad. I had tried and failed too many times and I couldn't help thinking that it was too late to change. But getting this far is validating. Now I honestly think that another ten or twenty or seventy pounds isn't such a huge deal. It's just a matter of time and effort--and I stress the time part.

The change has been very difficult at times. I have always used food as comfort when I was feeling overwhelmed or really down. I also, coincidentally, used it as a way to celebrate. The hardest part of this whole process has been learning to separate grief and sadness from food. When I binge, the pain goes away for awhile. I feel soothed and focused on the pleasure of eating. Even afterwards, the regret I feel distracts me from more difficult thoughts and feelings.

Making this change means learning to sit with my emotions and give them space to breath. It means accepting the sadness as part of my life rather than rushing to cover it up or extinguish it. If nothing else, it forces me to examine what is at the root of my difficulties rather than denying that they exist. Sometimes, I haven't been the most pleasant person to be around during this process, but I am working and healing and am fortunate to have great support.

So I'm pushing on. I suspect that next week will be a challenge for me. I'm attending a conference and going on a short vacation. I know this success will fortify me as I tackle the temptations ahead of me. (EVEN IF THERE'S COOKIES!)

8 comments:

Shanna said...

I too struggle with the whole comfort food & celebratory food! Its like every occasion, good or bad, calls for food! What is up with that?!?!

It is definitely a SLOW process, but the end result will be well worth it. I always have to remind myself, its not going to happen overnight (I wish!) I think that is the hardest part of transforming yourself, both body and mind. It just takes so freakin' long!!

You are doing great!!! Congrats on the 50 lbs! That is amazing. And the next 8 will melt away before you know it! =)

Debbie said...

Wow, congratulations on hitting the 50lb gone mark :)

cindy said...

wow, whoa, wow, great job on the 50 lbs. just letting you know your blog is an inspiration to me b/c knowing there are others like me, who have made it a bad habit of turning to food for comfort who have SUCCESSFULLY found new ways of coping helps me stay positive. you're an inspiration. you go girl!

-cindy

new*me said...

super news on the 50 lbs gone!! Woo-hoo ;) It is "easier" shoving food in then dealing with sometimes painful emotions, but it is also easier weighing less. Keep up the great work!

nmburleson said...

50 pounds WOW! That is fantastic. :) I'm realizing that since I haven't been turning to food to soothe myself, emotions are coming up. It's uncomfortable and at times scary. But, it's also progress! Good for you!

Nicole said...

Great job! You are doing excellent and learning a lot about yourself as you go! You will be there before you know it!

Karyn said...

WOW! Congratulations on reaching this milestone!!

Ashley said...

You look amazing! I know this sounds really cheesy, but this is the first time I've come across your blog, and when I looked at your pictures, I got really emotional! Thanks for letting us see those pictures you though no one else would ever look at. You are letting everyone else know it IS possible. Thank you.

(Stumbled across your blog via Chubby Chick's Challenge...)