The Current Plan

I’m a firm believer that to accomplish anything of value, I need a thoroughly researched, well considered plan.  I am famous (or maybe infamous) for my itineraries and multi pronged strategies.  I love examining a situation fully, pulling together all the facts and determining the best way to forge forward.  Unfortunately, I also value freedom and flexibility and seldom follow any plan I develop.  So I have a very rudimentary plan for how I can make my way on the journey to become a woman who is strong and healthy in mind, body and soul.  My poor follow through is why I need to keep shouting my plans out to the void rather than keeping them as musings to myself.  I require some accountability, even if it’s imagined.

1. Eat more vegetables/fruits/things that photosynthesize..

    Currently, my diet consists of the triple B’s and C’s--butter, bread, booze, chocolate, coffee, cake.  I honestly don’t think I eat any plant matter most days.  It’s not that I don’t like vegetables; they’re just never my first, second or fifteenth choice.  So adding even one a day would be a vast improvement.  However, it is my plan to attempt to eat at least one thing that photosynthesizes per meal.

    I also intend to make better friends with fruits and veg by trying one new fruit/veg recipe each week.  I have already done this week...I’ll share the results at another time.  It’s was actually om nom nom good!

2.  Track calories on Lose it! ap.  

    I am trying to stay between 1300 and 1700 calories a day.  Thus far, this has not happened.  I am currently tracking without judgement, equipped with the knowledge that observer effect is a fundamental concept advanced by behavior therapists...even observing a behavior can influence an individual to make a change.  I do think that tracking what I eat is helping me lose weight.  I may not drop a thousand pounds an hour like Beyonce on her lemon juice cleanse but I think this will be more sustainable for me in the long run...

3.  Accept that losing one pound every week is good enough.  It may take me a few years to reach my goal but that long term process should only bring home the idea that this is about changing my approach for life.

4.  Focus on mindfulness by gradually cultivating a meditation practice.  My thoughts are always everywhere racing around and I am usually dwelling on the past as I simultaneously try to slay the imagined dragons in my future.  Usually, that means that I am often surprised that I have missed things that are directly before me, that I don't realize I've even eaten or seen a movie or read a chapter.  I want to bring my focus to the present and live there.  To taste the sweetness of life without being hindered by things that are far beyond my control at that moment.  Easier said than done, right?  But that's where my heart is right now.

That's all I've got at this point.  I may add more or modify the plan as I evaluate my progress.  I understand that New Year's is a fairly arbitrary construct.  I know that I could have committed to a change at any other time.  I fully recognize that I could be, as we speak, acting as the willing puppet of mainstream media, the diet industry, etc, etc.  But the Earth finished one more revolution and I have a January birthday and I just turned another year older so now feels like a good time to mark time and to think of my life and how it is meeting and not meeting my expectations.  But anytime you start to make a positive change in your life is the right time.  Two o'clock in the afternoon on March 3 is just as good as sometime after Christmas!

Down 3 Pounds--Thanks to the Flu

I'm back in commission after a week and a half in the clutches of a miserable bout of gastroenteritis. The result? I'm down 3 pounds. Sweet! I'm going to wait to adjust my stats until I see if it rebounds a little now that I'm better. The bottom line is that as long as I don't gain more than 2 pounds over the holiday season, I'll be on track for my goal to lose 1 pound in December. This New Year's, I'll have to remember to raise a toast to setting the bar low...

I have to say I was getting pretty sick of being sick, but after seeing the results, I sort of wish it would have lingered through the holiday. Mostly it was just stomach pain and decreased appetite. I could handle that for 2 more weeks, right? Handle it? I could probably bottle it and hand it out as a gift or sell it on the street corner. (I'm just kidding. I know I need to learn to make good choices even in the presence of my typically insatiable appetite.)

Today I'm off to an office lunch. I've already placed my order for nice green salad. I also fully intend to have La Bomba, which is basically an orgasmic dessert made from a ball of ice cream covered in a dark chocolate shell. This is the one outing over the entire holiday that I'm allowing myself dessert so I plan to enjoy every morsel. And, hey, I am making some sacrifices: I have to munch away on greens while everyone else eats warm, cheesy baked pastas and hot buttery garlic bread. I'm also planning a very light dinner tonight to offset the whole thing. I don't want this month to be a repeat of conference season, but I don't want to obsess so I'm doing some careful planning.

On a side note, I felt so good about my weight loss that I wrote out a Christmas card for the Lizard Lady today. Every year I pretend to forget her and then cringe when I get her magnificent, sparkly Christmas letter in which she talks about how perfect her marshmallow life is with her candy cane job and gum drop husband. Honestly, people! As a single person, if I sent one of these letters out, people would think I'm a total narcissist. Why is it just because she has a little ice on her finger she suddenly has the right to go bragging to everyone on her mailing list. I'd understand if she had kids or something, but it's just the two of them. Stop the madness! Anyway, as you can see, I've risen above it and decided to send her a card. That's how happy I am. Really.

Hope you've all had a smashing week!

WIsh in one hand...

My mother used to say, "wish in one hand and shit in the other and we'll see which fills up faster." When I was growing up, I heard that particularly charming colloquialism at least once a day and it infuriated me. It was her answer to, "I wish I had some ice cream" or "I wish I didn't have to go to school" or "I wish I could take dance lessons like the other girls." The more it irritated me, the more she seemed to be entertained.

Probably it was her way of getting back at children who each had an inflated sense of entitlement since her "when I was a girl" stories didn't seem to have much of and influence on my my sister and me. It was hard for us to imagine the kind of poverty she described, especially since she seemed so self indulgent by the time we came along. Regardless of the reason, she repeated that phrase like a mantra until we learned to stop beginning sentences with "I wish."

Despite it's abrasiveness, Mom's mantra has real meaning in my life today. I've spent this year mostly wishing for success. I've spent a little time blogging about it and a lot of time commiserating with friends and coworkers about weight loss struggles. Most of what I've done boils down to wishing, and while I have no intention of cupping my hand over my bottom instead of using the commode, I think that I can see which would...um...pile up faster.

I think I need to be more action focused. I need to find ways to ensure that I will win more of those difficult moments than I lose. That said, I've devised a plan of attack. While this month is certain to be a time of joyous celebration, it's also laced with no fewer than 15 get togethers of one variety or another. All are sure to be positively replete with scrumptious things to eat and some tempting libations. I've mapped out my events and prioritized. For the get togethers that will be at restaraunts, I'm picking my meal ahead of time. For those that take place at someone's home, I intend to eat something filling and healthy before I go so I won't be as tempted. There will be precisely one (pre Christmas) event during which I will indulge in dessert. I will go into each event with a detailed, well rehearsed plan.

This planning worked well for me on Thanksgiving. While I started off being determined not to obsess over potential weight gain, I also didn't want to make it a feeding frenzy. The menu at my mother's house almost never varies, so I was able to decide ahead of time what was worth it and what wasn't. I brought a yogurt and a banana which I ate while my family was enjoying a pre meal chocolate munch. I decided early what I would allow myself to eat so I could feel in control. I also tried to make people the focus of my celebrating instead of food.

I'm also laying out some more realistic goals for this month. I'll post these later today or tomorrow.


So I hope you're joining me in my efforts to stop just wishing for success!

Can I Have a Do-Over?

When I was a kid, I was addicted to video games, which is probably one of the reasons that I ended up one of those childhood obesity cases that are all over the news today. I loved the escapism I could enjoy, especially in games like Final Fantasy, Mario or Zelda. I could traverse the veld on a chocobo, warp through time, don a frog suit and go deep sea diving and ultimately save the day. Mostly, I dug the fact that I could fall into a pit of fire, get eaten by a Dragon or bungle a challenge and not face any consequences. All I needed to do was hit the reset button.


The irritating thing about reality is that there is no reset button, so if I get eaten by a dragon, I just get digested. The same is true if I eat a dragon. I just have to face the consequences on the scale. That was the case when I weighed in this morning. I knew even before I got on that I'd be lucky if I just didn't gain anything. It felt like all week, I just couldn't seem to stop shoveling food in my face. I was anxious about work and classes and current events, a tired excuse to be sure, but true nonetheless.

Probably my greatest single downfall was that I didn't have a plan. I didn't make sure that I had healthy snacks to eat and I waited until I got home every night to decide on dinner. Consequently, I ended up eating out nearly every day last week, which probably contributed hundreds of extra calories to my daily intake.

If I was back in elementary school, I would just hit the red button with my big toe and go on with my life, but as an adult, I actually have to deal with the consequences of my actions or inactions. That means that I'm ending yet another week no closer to my goal than before.

I felt a little disheartened at first, especially knowing that I would have to blog about defeat once again. However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I kind of do get a do-over. Every single new day and week is a chance for a do-over, a chance to assess my difficulties and adopt a new approach. Actually, even the moment after I finish my piece of pie is an opportunity for a do-over if I decide that I'm going to endeavor to make healthier choices from that moment on. We all want lasting success, and that means that at some point we need to forgive ourselves.

So here goes: I'm hitting the reset button. I'm going to plan my food out for the next day every night before I hit the hay. Maybe if I've got a course plotted out, I won't take a wrong turn and end up in Candy Land. Your welcome to come along. If you've had a bad week, take this as official permission to put it behind you and make the most of a do-over.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Some day, I will be able to live my life without looking at everything through the lens of weight, but today is not the day. Halloween has always meant two things to me: 1. The chance to pretend to be someone else for a day and 2. the chance to eat ludicrous amounts of candy.

Dressing up is probably the best part of Halloween. I love the idea of putting on a whole new, completely unique self. My co-workers are really creative. They build their own costumes from stuff they have at home and they usually come up with some pretty clever stuff. I on the other hand , tend to be fairly unimaginative in my costume choice. If I can't purchase it as a package deal, I probably won't bother. What I've noticed is that my options for costumes are much wider than they were 50 pounds ago. It's nice that I can choose something other than nun or ghost now. Hooray for non scale victories!

As far as consuming massive quantities of of candy is concerned, that should not really be an option for me now. (Especially since I broke up with Jack!) I have tried not to eat candy with the reckless abandon I used to. That said, by the time we shut out the porch light, I may have eaten almost as much chocolate as I handed out. Uggg! I could have taken steps to avoid such massive transgressions. I especially like MizFit's suggestion to indulge planfully. I could have tried to find candy that I actually wouldn't eat. But I didn't do any of that; I pigged out.

Thankfully, tomorrow's a new day and the start of a new month. It's a chance for a fresh start and the formation of new goals.

I hope you had a happy Halloween and took advantage of the chance to be someone else and make other people smile today!