Progress this week was slower than I would have liked. I lost a half a pound, which brought me down to 226.0. At least I'm moving in the right direction.
At first, I blamed my cousins wedding on Saturday for the slow down. But honestly, just how evil is one slice of wedding cake. I didn't have any alcohol and I ate sensibly at dinner. I went back and reviewed my food journal and found that I had eaten much more than I should have almost every day last week. I didn't binge like I used to in days of old. Just knowing I have to write my food down prevents that, but I wasn't as controlled as I would have liked.
So I'm shaking things up a little. I'm making it my policy to only eat something after I've written it down. This will force me to see the numbers and make a more informed choice.
Life is good. The weight is coming off. I just need to tweak my approach.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Don't Wait to Feel Beautiful
Monday was the first weigh in for August and I'm happy to report that I'm down another 1.5 pounds to 226.5. I can hardly believe that I might actually see the 210s by the end of summer. I don't know when I saw them last. Senior year of high school? Maybe.
I'm running out of clothes that fit. I bought four new pairs of pants for work, which was a painfully expensive and impossibly irritating (thanks to vanity sizing) proposition, but I have precious else that doesn't hang off. This is a nice problem to have, but it's a problem nonetheless. I complained about it to my mother. I told her that I was an 18 on the bottom and an 14/16-18 on the top (I'm a pear). She told me to come over and she could hook me up.
Let's rewind about four years. Back then, my mother was a little thinner than she is today (like so many of us). I used to make any excuse to buy her clothes, lovely clothes that I didn't think I had a right to wear. Pretty feminine things that I thought should never come in my size. I bought her matching shoes and purses, skirts and floaty shirts. I bought her things I always dreamed of wearing. She always looked beautiful in them. I called her my life-size Barbie, and while I loved that she had nice things to wear, I always felt sad that I could never look the way she did.
When I went to my mother's house this weekend, she brought me upstairs to her closet and started to pull out the lovely skirts and blouses. I said, "Whoa, these are too small." She said, "I bet they fit." I selected an outfit that used to be my favorite. I slid up the skirt and was surprised that it zipped. I pulled on the blouse and looked in the mirror. I thought I'd be squeezing out all over the place. I thought I would wish I was wearing Spanx. I thought I would be too embarrassed to let my mother see me, but, for the first time in my entire life, I felt pretty in an outfit. A feminine outfit. When my mother saw me, she cried.
The crazy thing is that in when I was a sophomore in high school, I only weighed 165 pounds. I was at least 60 pounds lighter than I am today. I don't have any pictures from that time. I avoided cameras at all costs, but I had mirrors. I never saw anything I liked looking back at me. I don't remember looking anything but obese. I never felt pretty and now, I can't even picture what I looked like at that weight.
Because of the way I felt about my body even when I was much thinner, I didn't have any hope that I would ever lose enough weight to feel pretty. That wasn't the goal; my health was the goal. Here I am, far short of my goal and miles away from the size 12 jeans I wore as a sophomore and I like what I see. I feel lovely. Maybe no one else (besides my mom) thinks I am. Maybe no one else ever will, but that doesn't matter. Only the way I feel counts.
There is no right size. There is no perfect weight. Don't wait to feel beautiful.
I'm running out of clothes that fit. I bought four new pairs of pants for work, which was a painfully expensive and impossibly irritating (thanks to vanity sizing) proposition, but I have precious else that doesn't hang off. This is a nice problem to have, but it's a problem nonetheless. I complained about it to my mother. I told her that I was an 18 on the bottom and an 14/16-18 on the top (I'm a pear). She told me to come over and she could hook me up.
Let's rewind about four years. Back then, my mother was a little thinner than she is today (like so many of us). I used to make any excuse to buy her clothes, lovely clothes that I didn't think I had a right to wear. Pretty feminine things that I thought should never come in my size. I bought her matching shoes and purses, skirts and floaty shirts. I bought her things I always dreamed of wearing. She always looked beautiful in them. I called her my life-size Barbie, and while I loved that she had nice things to wear, I always felt sad that I could never look the way she did.
When I went to my mother's house this weekend, she brought me upstairs to her closet and started to pull out the lovely skirts and blouses. I said, "Whoa, these are too small." She said, "I bet they fit." I selected an outfit that used to be my favorite. I slid up the skirt and was surprised that it zipped. I pulled on the blouse and looked in the mirror. I thought I'd be squeezing out all over the place. I thought I would wish I was wearing Spanx. I thought I would be too embarrassed to let my mother see me, but, for the first time in my entire life, I felt pretty in an outfit. A feminine outfit. When my mother saw me, she cried.
The crazy thing is that in when I was a sophomore in high school, I only weighed 165 pounds. I was at least 60 pounds lighter than I am today. I don't have any pictures from that time. I avoided cameras at all costs, but I had mirrors. I never saw anything I liked looking back at me. I don't remember looking anything but obese. I never felt pretty and now, I can't even picture what I looked like at that weight.
Because of the way I felt about my body even when I was much thinner, I didn't have any hope that I would ever lose enough weight to feel pretty. That wasn't the goal; my health was the goal. Here I am, far short of my goal and miles away from the size 12 jeans I wore as a sophomore and I like what I see. I feel lovely. Maybe no one else (besides my mom) thinks I am. Maybe no one else ever will, but that doesn't matter. Only the way I feel counts.
There is no right size. There is no perfect weight. Don't wait to feel beautiful.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Woohoo!
It's been a busy couple of weeks, but I've been maintaining my discipline. My hard work has paid off in a big way. As of Monday, I'm down another 4.5 pounds, which means that I'm finally down my 50 pounds!!! I couldn't be happier.
This week has presented some dietary challenges. I ate dinner with my parents on Wednesday. Fried chicken was on the menu. Luckily, I brought my food scale and measured out 3oz than ate that plus a plate full of vegetables. Yesterday, we had a friend over for a Christmas in July celebration. I didn't give into temptation quite as much as I do on real Christmas, but I still wasn't at my best. I brought all the leftovers into the office today so I wouldn't be tempted by baked goods tonight.
I'm trying to be realistic going into Monday's weigh in. I'm hoping to lose 0.5 pounds. I know that whenever I lose a lot one week, I usually lose less the next, so I'm not expecting a ton of progress.
This week has presented some dietary challenges. I ate dinner with my parents on Wednesday. Fried chicken was on the menu. Luckily, I brought my food scale and measured out 3oz than ate that plus a plate full of vegetables. Yesterday, we had a friend over for a Christmas in July celebration. I didn't give into temptation quite as much as I do on real Christmas, but I still wasn't at my best. I brought all the leftovers into the office today so I wouldn't be tempted by baked goods tonight.
I'm trying to be realistic going into Monday's weigh in. I'm hoping to lose 0.5 pounds. I know that whenever I lose a lot one week, I usually lose less the next, so I'm not expecting a ton of progress.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Monday Weigh In
I hope everyone is having a smashing week. Mine's going great, but things are hectic, which is why I'm posting the results of my Monday weigh in on a Wednesday. I guess I'm not the most disciplined blogger...
Anyway, the scale read 231.5 which means that I'm down another 1.5 pounds and am only 3.5 from my original 50. I was super psyched to have a loss after my dissappointing weigh in the previous Monday but part of me imagined that I would lose more than usuall because I felt like the scale totally owed me. Any loss is good, though!
I've been meaning to reflect on how different life has been these past 37 days. I've been thinking a lot about how I'm different and how I keep changing in ways big and small. I will do all of that soon. But right now, I think I should just be proud that I'm continuing to lose and that I'm making some time to post the results!
Anyway, the scale read 231.5 which means that I'm down another 1.5 pounds and am only 3.5 from my original 50. I was super psyched to have a loss after my dissappointing weigh in the previous Monday but part of me imagined that I would lose more than usuall because I felt like the scale totally owed me. Any loss is good, though!
I've been meaning to reflect on how different life has been these past 37 days. I've been thinking a lot about how I'm different and how I keep changing in ways big and small. I will do all of that soon. But right now, I think I should just be proud that I'm continuing to lose and that I'm making some time to post the results!
Monday, June 29, 2009
A Case of the Moooondays
It's Groundhog Day. I got on the scale this morning and it said 233.0 which means a total change of zilch this week. I was a little taken aback because I didn't expect to hit a bump so soon. In the past when I've "plateaued" it's always actually been because I wasn't being honest. I was telling myself that I was "dieting" but I was really eating cake or not measuring my food or something like that.
This week was different. By the numbers (calories in/out) I should have lost 2.24 pounds this week. This just shows what an inexact science this is (or does it have to do with my nutritional deficiencies that I mentioned in my last post?). I guess that sometimes you can do the right thing and get garbage results.
Another time, I would have thrown my hands up and hightailed it to the nearest bakery for some baklava. This time, I'm giving my body more time. I know that if I stick with it, I have to lose weight eventually. That's just the way it is. At least, even if I didn't lose weight, I grew stronger in the habits that will help me reach my goal. A week spent remaking myself is well spent.
Here's to a healthier week!
This week was different. By the numbers (calories in/out) I should have lost 2.24 pounds this week. This just shows what an inexact science this is (or does it have to do with my nutritional deficiencies that I mentioned in my last post?). I guess that sometimes you can do the right thing and get garbage results.
Another time, I would have thrown my hands up and hightailed it to the nearest bakery for some baklava. This time, I'm giving my body more time. I know that if I stick with it, I have to lose weight eventually. That's just the way it is. At least, even if I didn't lose weight, I grew stronger in the habits that will help me reach my goal. A week spent remaking myself is well spent.
Here's to a healthier week!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Feeling the Difference
Since I rededicated myself on June 1, I've challenged myself to go beyond just counting calories to focus on nutrition. There are a lot of great nutrition tracking websites out there; as I mentioned before, I've been using SparkPeople. I've tracked every bite I've taken and tried to stay within my calorie range. I've been trying to make sure I get the right amount of water, fiber, protein, fat and carbohydrates.
I honestly always felt like people who said good nutrition made them feel better were full of crap. I thought it was just one of the lies people told themselves when they can no longer cram pizza in their mouths. I imagined that the deprivation had made them delirious or something. That's why I was surprised that I actually did feel better after I started trying to eat healthier. I had way more energy, didn't feel half as bitchy as usual and felt more clear headed and focused. However, I denied that this could be a nutrition thing until this week.
It's been a busy week for me and I've felt like I was constantly rushing so I could fall behind. I've remained disciplined about tracking and exercising and I haven't gone over my calorie allowance once this week, but a lot of calorie dense, nutrient poor foods have creeped into my diet. I honestly think that there's room in my diet for a cookie a day or a half a cup of frozen yogurt, but this week, junk food has taken up at least a third of my calories. This means I'm not leaving enough room for real nutrition and to tell the truth, I've really felt the differnce. I've been dragging and I've found it so much harder to get through my day.
Today I'm back to a focus on real nutrition. I'm worth the effort it takes to plan and I'm craving that energy.
I honestly always felt like people who said good nutrition made them feel better were full of crap. I thought it was just one of the lies people told themselves when they can no longer cram pizza in their mouths. I imagined that the deprivation had made them delirious or something. That's why I was surprised that I actually did feel better after I started trying to eat healthier. I had way more energy, didn't feel half as bitchy as usual and felt more clear headed and focused. However, I denied that this could be a nutrition thing until this week.
It's been a busy week for me and I've felt like I was constantly rushing so I could fall behind. I've remained disciplined about tracking and exercising and I haven't gone over my calorie allowance once this week, but a lot of calorie dense, nutrient poor foods have creeped into my diet. I honestly think that there's room in my diet for a cookie a day or a half a cup of frozen yogurt, but this week, junk food has taken up at least a third of my calories. This means I'm not leaving enough room for real nutrition and to tell the truth, I've really felt the differnce. I've been dragging and I've found it so much harder to get through my day.
Today I'm back to a focus on real nutrition. I'm worth the effort it takes to plan and I'm craving that energy.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Weekly Weigh In
New weight: 233
Change: -2.0!
Sorry about the short post. It's late and I'm exhausted but I wanted to check in.
Change: -2.0!
Sorry about the short post. It's late and I'm exhausted but I wanted to check in.
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