This week was rough for me. I have my weigh-in tomorrow and I'm just hoping that I lost something--even just 1 pound. Why was it so rough? A combination of things. My mother's birthday was Thursday and Mother's Day was Sunday. I had final papers and presentations and exams to take care of. So I would say that it was a combination of environmental (I was surrounded by cake) and emotional(I was incredibly stressed out) factors.
I seriously considered not posting this week and avoiding my Weight Watchers meeting tomorrow. Then I realized how self-sabotaging that would be. This week wasn't that bad! Most days, I did a good job counting my points. I may have used flex points, but I wrote them down and held myself accountable. My worst day this week was still fifty times better than my best day during most days over the past six years. Just the fact that I knew enough to feel a little guilty about cake and ice cream says something about how far I've come.
I realized that if I avoided posting and attending my meetings, I would be establishing a very dangerous precedent for myself. I would be saying that it just didn't count when I didn't feel like doing what I was supposed to do. It would be like pretending that my actions didn't have any consequences.
So here it is. My pre weigh-in post. 100% present and accountable.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Not ready to be a poster child
As I've mentioned before, I'm in love with my pedometer. I wear it every single day, and I depend on it to encourage me to move. It never lets me down. Usually, pedometers suck. They're usually incredibly unreliable. You could walk 10 miles, and your pedometer will tell you that you've only take 875 steps, but the vibrations from riding in the car make your readout look like you just completed the Boston Marathon. Irritating!!!!
The one I've been using for the past year is actually very different. It measures very accurately, has a jogging strap so it doesn't fall off and can even record from a purse or pocket. Because I hate having anything digging into my muffin top, I often let it dangle upside down from the jogging strap (it measures upside down too! Cool, huh?).
Consequently, people in my office started asking me what I was wearing. I shared my enthusiasm. I also let people in my "active living" and "healthy eating" groups know about them. As a result of my unintentional saleswomanship, at least 30-40 people have purchased the model I have been using. Those people sang the pedometer's praises so loudly, that there is now a mini Omron pedometer-wearing sub culture at my university.
My university is really trying to promote wellness. To that end, they invite all full time faculty and staff to come to health-related presentations. That's the reason why on Friday a photographer showed up at my office door. She said that she heard that I was known for pedometer wearing (interesting thing to be "known" for) and that she was hoping to take my picture. It would be put into a PowerPoint presentation for one of the wellness presentations.
I paused to consider: My full body picture, blown up to about 3X bigger than life size, on a massive screen in front of a few hundred people. I was suddenly filled with terror. I didn't want to leave her hanging, but I definitely wasn't comfortable, so I had a coworker stand in.
My sister was completely ticked off when I told her about it. She said that it's a repeating pattern in my life that I step back from opportunities, especially opportunities for recognition. I disagreed whole-heartedly, but afterwords, I wondered, is it true?
Mental list:
I skipped my induction into the Jesuit Honor Society, I skipped my graduation ceremony for both my bachelors and masters, I "lost my voice" when I was supposed to sing on stage in high school, I decide against going for my PhD or joining the Peace Corps.
She's right. Most of the major decisions I have made in my life, I have at least subconsciously made with safety in mind. Whenever I consider doing something new, I also consider how weight will influence the way I am perceived and my ability to succeed. This was a very sad realization for me.
It's stupid to wait to live until I'm at my goal weight. True, I will gain confidence as I progress, but why hold off?
Nevertheless, I'm not ready to be a poster child just yet.
The one I've been using for the past year is actually very different. It measures very accurately, has a jogging strap so it doesn't fall off and can even record from a purse or pocket. Because I hate having anything digging into my muffin top, I often let it dangle upside down from the jogging strap (it measures upside down too! Cool, huh?).
Consequently, people in my office started asking me what I was wearing. I shared my enthusiasm. I also let people in my "active living" and "healthy eating" groups know about them. As a result of my unintentional saleswomanship, at least 30-40 people have purchased the model I have been using. Those people sang the pedometer's praises so loudly, that there is now a mini Omron pedometer-wearing sub culture at my university.
My university is really trying to promote wellness. To that end, they invite all full time faculty and staff to come to health-related presentations. That's the reason why on Friday a photographer showed up at my office door. She said that she heard that I was known for pedometer wearing (interesting thing to be "known" for) and that she was hoping to take my picture. It would be put into a PowerPoint presentation for one of the wellness presentations.
I paused to consider: My full body picture, blown up to about 3X bigger than life size, on a massive screen in front of a few hundred people. I was suddenly filled with terror. I didn't want to leave her hanging, but I definitely wasn't comfortable, so I had a coworker stand in.
My sister was completely ticked off when I told her about it. She said that it's a repeating pattern in my life that I step back from opportunities, especially opportunities for recognition. I disagreed whole-heartedly, but afterwords, I wondered, is it true?
Mental list:
I skipped my induction into the Jesuit Honor Society, I skipped my graduation ceremony for both my bachelors and masters, I "lost my voice" when I was supposed to sing on stage in high school, I decide against going for my PhD or joining the Peace Corps.
She's right. Most of the major decisions I have made in my life, I have at least subconsciously made with safety in mind. Whenever I consider doing something new, I also consider how weight will influence the way I am perceived and my ability to succeed. This was a very sad realization for me.
It's stupid to wait to live until I'm at my goal weight. True, I will gain confidence as I progress, but why hold off?
Nevertheless, I'm not ready to be a poster child just yet.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Low expectations and lower numbers on the scale
I'm always astonished when things work as advertised. I think this means that I have consistently low expectations. I'm hard to disappoint, but I can also come off as a total Eeyore.
I usually enter every new situation as a skeptic. I don't know if it's just more palatable to disbelief than to be fooled, but I can't help myself. The great thing is that I don't buy into the get thin quick infomercials that play on my TV at three o'clock in the morning. The bad thing is that my negative attitude can derail my weight loss efforts.
For the six months between October and late April, I kept gaining and losing the same five pounds. I never made any headway at all. In retrospect, I know that this is entirely due to the fact that I failed to make an prolonged organized effort. I would count points or calories one day and sort of do OK, but then the next day I'd go out for a burger, chili cheese fries and an ice cream sundae.
However, when I analyzed the data of my life, I ignored the gorging and thought to myself, "Gee, counting points just doesn't work for me anymore. I'll probably never go below 240." Duh.
I probably would have continued on this way forever if the university I work at didn't offer a ten week Weight Watchers at work. The other women in my office were awesome about it. They agreed to switch lunches with me. I signed up thinking, it won't work, but I might as well try. I should say that I felt completely unmotivated. My first meeting was April 23. I hoped on the shiny silver scale with discreet remote readout. I started off at 246.0.
Since then, I've stayed within my points every day and have written every last bite down. The first week, I lost 2.2 pounds, but I was still above 240, so I still believed I would stop losing soon. However, I got on my bathroom scale this weekend, and the readout said 235.5. Ever the skeptic, I got off and got back on. Still 235.5. Bitchin'!!!!
Hooray for exceeded expectations and hooray for convenient meeting locations and hooray for awesome coworkers!
I usually enter every new situation as a skeptic. I don't know if it's just more palatable to disbelief than to be fooled, but I can't help myself. The great thing is that I don't buy into the get thin quick infomercials that play on my TV at three o'clock in the morning. The bad thing is that my negative attitude can derail my weight loss efforts.
For the six months between October and late April, I kept gaining and losing the same five pounds. I never made any headway at all. In retrospect, I know that this is entirely due to the fact that I failed to make an prolonged organized effort. I would count points or calories one day and sort of do OK, but then the next day I'd go out for a burger, chili cheese fries and an ice cream sundae.
However, when I analyzed the data of my life, I ignored the gorging and thought to myself, "Gee, counting points just doesn't work for me anymore. I'll probably never go below 240." Duh.
I probably would have continued on this way forever if the university I work at didn't offer a ten week Weight Watchers at work. The other women in my office were awesome about it. They agreed to switch lunches with me. I signed up thinking, it won't work, but I might as well try. I should say that I felt completely unmotivated. My first meeting was April 23. I hoped on the shiny silver scale with discreet remote readout. I started off at 246.0.
Since then, I've stayed within my points every day and have written every last bite down. The first week, I lost 2.2 pounds, but I was still above 240, so I still believed I would stop losing soon. However, I got on my bathroom scale this weekend, and the readout said 235.5. Ever the skeptic, I got off and got back on. Still 235.5. Bitchin'!!!!
Hooray for exceeded expectations and hooray for convenient meeting locations and hooray for awesome coworkers!
Thursday, April 24, 2008
The Stages of Change
My favorite blogger, PastaQueen, whose blog, Half of Me, continues to chronicle her successful struggle to lose over half of her body weight, has written a lot of things that have resonated with me. Most of the time, reading her blog is amusing, thought-provoking and awe-inspiring. Usually, what she writes makes me take a long hard look at myself.
I haven't kept up with PastaQueen along her entire journey. Actually, I just stumbled upon her blog last month and haven't been able to stop reading it yet. She posts nearly every day and has posted her jaw-dropping, rotating progress pictures that demonstrate a metamorphosis that is nothing short of amazing. However, while snazzy progress pics are inspiring, what really hooked me on her blog was her complete and fearless honesty throughout the process. Her false starts are well documented and her journey has not been a straight shot to success. (Which is good, because I might hate her if it was!!)
Psychologists indicate that humans almost rarely make or sustain entirely linear changes in their lives. Most of us don't just decide to give up donuts and pizza and then go another 50 years without ever calling Domino's. Rather, people tend to cycle through the stages of change which include precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance and relapse.
While in the precontemplation stage, an individual isn't even entertaining the idea of changing. He or she might be in denial. When a person enters the contemplation stage, he or she starts to consider the benefits and problems associated with a change and may begin to consider how he or she will make a change. In preparation a person may begin to make small changes to test the waters. In the action stage, an individual is taking real steps to change. Generally, people enter maintenance when they have remained in the action stage for an extended period of time, such as six months to a year. However, no matter how long someone has been in the maintenance stage, he or she is always a little vulnerable to relapse.
The stages of change are cyclical, and not everyone moves through every stage. I know this is a little like sitting in psych class, but knowing this information has real benefits to anyone trying to lose weight. It demonstrates that it's OK to not go right from precontemplation to action, or to go from action back to contemplation. It's all part of the process.
That's how I view my journey. This time last year I was doing well, but for the past six months, I've been maintaining. Bummer, but not the end of the world. Even PastaQueen, who has lost nearly 200 pounds to date, still reports the occasional splurge. It doesn't mean that she completely goes back to eating the way she used to.
I have reassessed and started attending Weight Watchers meetings and have begun to lose weight again. I'm prepared to face obstacles without being too hard on myself.
I haven't kept up with PastaQueen along her entire journey. Actually, I just stumbled upon her blog last month and haven't been able to stop reading it yet. She posts nearly every day and has posted her jaw-dropping, rotating progress pictures that demonstrate a metamorphosis that is nothing short of amazing. However, while snazzy progress pics are inspiring, what really hooked me on her blog was her complete and fearless honesty throughout the process. Her false starts are well documented and her journey has not been a straight shot to success. (Which is good, because I might hate her if it was!!)
Psychologists indicate that humans almost rarely make or sustain entirely linear changes in their lives. Most of us don't just decide to give up donuts and pizza and then go another 50 years without ever calling Domino's. Rather, people tend to cycle through the stages of change which include precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance and relapse.
While in the precontemplation stage, an individual isn't even entertaining the idea of changing. He or she might be in denial. When a person enters the contemplation stage, he or she starts to consider the benefits and problems associated with a change and may begin to consider how he or she will make a change. In preparation a person may begin to make small changes to test the waters. In the action stage, an individual is taking real steps to change. Generally, people enter maintenance when they have remained in the action stage for an extended period of time, such as six months to a year. However, no matter how long someone has been in the maintenance stage, he or she is always a little vulnerable to relapse.
The stages of change are cyclical, and not everyone moves through every stage. I know this is a little like sitting in psych class, but knowing this information has real benefits to anyone trying to lose weight. It demonstrates that it's OK to not go right from precontemplation to action, or to go from action back to contemplation. It's all part of the process.
That's how I view my journey. This time last year I was doing well, but for the past six months, I've been maintaining. Bummer, but not the end of the world. Even PastaQueen, who has lost nearly 200 pounds to date, still reports the occasional splurge. It doesn't mean that she completely goes back to eating the way she used to.
I have reassessed and started attending Weight Watchers meetings and have begun to lose weight again. I'm prepared to face obstacles without being too hard on myself.
Friday, March 28, 2008
I need to read my blog...
Very recently, I touted the virtues of logging food consumption in Write What You Bite. I should have reread that yesterday.
As much as I'm a free spirit wannabe, the truth is that structure really helps me a lot. I did fine at work yesterday, eating my planned foods (despite the presence of cookies in the conference room) and was successful in writing every last thing I ate in the little blue notebook that I keep for that purpose .
The glitch? When I left for the day, I forgot my little notebook in my office. I could have gone back for it or started a new log when I got home, but I didn't do either. I figured I would be fine. BIG MISTAKE. My amnesia eating reared it's butt-ugly head. I raided my Easter basket on several occasions, ordered a pizza (while I did eat three pieces, I didn't scarf the whole thing down), I had two pieces of cranberry bread and ate two handfuls of Sun Chips. Yikes!
That was yesterday and I can't change what happened. I'm back to planning and writing and I will remember my book today. If I don't, I'll just have to write all my food in blood on the refrigerator door. That should be pretty memorable.
As much as I'm a free spirit wannabe, the truth is that structure really helps me a lot. I did fine at work yesterday, eating my planned foods (despite the presence of cookies in the conference room) and was successful in writing every last thing I ate in the little blue notebook that I keep for that purpose .
The glitch? When I left for the day, I forgot my little notebook in my office. I could have gone back for it or started a new log when I got home, but I didn't do either. I figured I would be fine. BIG MISTAKE. My amnesia eating reared it's butt-ugly head. I raided my Easter basket on several occasions, ordered a pizza (while I did eat three pieces, I didn't scarf the whole thing down), I had two pieces of cranberry bread and ate two handfuls of Sun Chips. Yikes!
That was yesterday and I can't change what happened. I'm back to planning and writing and I will remember my book today. If I don't, I'll just have to write all my food in blood on the refrigerator door. That should be pretty memorable.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Rising to a New Challenge
Recently when I take a walk I've felt this strange urge to go faster. I felt like my body wasn't getting enough out of walking. I thought this was odd because for the last year walking has been my only mode of exercising and I couldn't imagine doing anything else.
Recently, I decided to listen to my body. Why not? It tells me when I'm hungry and tired and thirsty. Why shouldn't it tell me when I'm ready to kick up the intensity of my exercise. I jogged for about a minute and was surprised that my legs didn't fall off, but I stopped because jogging/running have always seemed like an activity for hard bodied fitness gurus who came together in a tight community flying above me.
Last week, I decided to lay that aside and try to run the dreaded mile which has given me nightmares since high school. I figured that when I started trying to lose weight and get fit last year even walking short distances seemed impossible, so why not try.
I got all suited up in appropriately warm clothes and drove to the park so that I could make the five laps around the pond that would add up to a mile. I know my endurance is zero right now, so I planned to divide each lap into half walking and half jogging.
I felt like I could have jogged the whole first lap, but I held back so I could go the distance. The result? The first two laps were easy, the third was tough, and by the end I was making strange animal sounds and felt like I was going to toss my cookies all over the trail.
BUT I MADE IT!!! It took me around 14 minutes (I don't have a timing device that measures in anything but minutes). I know 14 mins sounds pathetic to anyone in reasonably good shape, but I never would have dreamed I could do it even 30 pounds ago.I felt so alive and excited when I was done. I've gone back twice since then and have ordered an inexpensive stop watch from Amazon so I can track my efforts.
It's given me hope for how far I can progress.
Recently, I decided to listen to my body. Why not? It tells me when I'm hungry and tired and thirsty. Why shouldn't it tell me when I'm ready to kick up the intensity of my exercise. I jogged for about a minute and was surprised that my legs didn't fall off, but I stopped because jogging/running have always seemed like an activity for hard bodied fitness gurus who came together in a tight community flying above me.
Last week, I decided to lay that aside and try to run the dreaded mile which has given me nightmares since high school. I figured that when I started trying to lose weight and get fit last year even walking short distances seemed impossible, so why not try.
I got all suited up in appropriately warm clothes and drove to the park so that I could make the five laps around the pond that would add up to a mile. I know my endurance is zero right now, so I planned to divide each lap into half walking and half jogging.
I felt like I could have jogged the whole first lap, but I held back so I could go the distance. The result? The first two laps were easy, the third was tough, and by the end I was making strange animal sounds and felt like I was going to toss my cookies all over the trail.
BUT I MADE IT!!! It took me around 14 minutes (I don't have a timing device that measures in anything but minutes). I know 14 mins sounds pathetic to anyone in reasonably good shape, but I never would have dreamed I could do it even 30 pounds ago.I felt so alive and excited when I was done. I've gone back twice since then and have ordered an inexpensive stop watch from Amazon so I can track my efforts.
It's given me hope for how far I can progress.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Write what you bite: The virtues of accountability
I can remember all the lyrics to the David the Gnome theme song. It's been almost ten years since I studied German, but the dative pronouns are burned into my brain and I'll never be able to shake the memory of the day I got my high heel caught in a rip in my pants cuff and did a spectacular faceplant directly at Mr. Lovely's feet.
So why is it that I have food amnesia? Did I have one cookie or twelve? Did I eat just a handful of peanuts or did I scarf down half the can? Not that I'm that drifty, but I'll be eating something one minute and....oh...what was I saying?
It's not intentional, but I do suppose that there are probably so many powerful psychological forces at work here that Freud would giggle with delight. Am I repressing memories of my overeating? Or is it just that eating has become so automatic for me that I don't even think about it anymore? I'm leaning towards the auto pilot explanation.
I brainstormed a few solutions. I considered wearing one of those shock collars that would give me a jolt every time I shoveled food into my face. I also thought about paying someone to monitor my behavior and give me a slap every time I started grazing. However, these options seemed a little masochistic and probably a bit pricey. Instead, I've decided to write down every last thing I eat.
The result? Even though no one else sees my food log, knowing that I have to record everything I eat makes me consider my choices more carefully. My biggest difficulty has always been my nightly snacking/bingeing. Now, being able to look back and see how much I've eaten all day helps me to determine what I can still afford to munch on.
I know, I know. This isn't really a fresh concept, but it takes me awhile to decide whether I want to make something my own. I also know that some people will find this obsessive, but for me it is quite effective.
So why is it that I have food amnesia? Did I have one cookie or twelve? Did I eat just a handful of peanuts or did I scarf down half the can? Not that I'm that drifty, but I'll be eating something one minute and....oh...what was I saying?
It's not intentional, but I do suppose that there are probably so many powerful psychological forces at work here that Freud would giggle with delight. Am I repressing memories of my overeating? Or is it just that eating has become so automatic for me that I don't even think about it anymore? I'm leaning towards the auto pilot explanation.
I brainstormed a few solutions. I considered wearing one of those shock collars that would give me a jolt every time I shoveled food into my face. I also thought about paying someone to monitor my behavior and give me a slap every time I started grazing. However, these options seemed a little masochistic and probably a bit pricey. Instead, I've decided to write down every last thing I eat.
The result? Even though no one else sees my food log, knowing that I have to record everything I eat makes me consider my choices more carefully. My biggest difficulty has always been my nightly snacking/bingeing. Now, being able to look back and see how much I've eaten all day helps me to determine what I can still afford to munch on.
I know, I know. This isn't really a fresh concept, but it takes me awhile to decide whether I want to make something my own. I also know that some people will find this obsessive, but for me it is quite effective.
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