Yesterday was really the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, and it seems like I was determined to make it that way! I really let things snowball.
I had gone to bed in very low spirits on Wednesday, probably because I was tired. I tried to deny and push away the funk, but I woke up feeling low on Thursday morning. I was overwhelmed by negativity. For some reason, when I began to conceptualize my day, I could only think of it as a series of tiresome, insurmountable obstacles.
The first of those was an adjustment at my orthodontist. In reality, the appointment could only have been more convenient if the office made house calls. I had scheduled the appointment for 8 am which is 30 minutes before I start work. The building the orthodontist is located in is about 3 blocks from my own office, they have convenient parking and they validate. They are also a very efficient staff. They got me right back, put in a new arch wire and I was on my way within 20 minutes. Looking at it now, I realize that it was only a minor inconvenience, especially considering the benefit I expect to derive from my 2.5 years with a metal mouth, but that's not the way I saw it yesterday.
Swooping into my office, I declared dramatically, "I'm back from the torture chamber!" (Don't despise me; I know what an ass I was, but it does get worse!) During work, while I expected to be swamped, I actually wasn't that busy. However, instead of being grateful for the chance to breath, I was bored.
It was in these spirits that I discovered the snickerdoodles. Ohhhh, THE HUMANITY! She Devil had brought in several dozen fresh baked cookies made with love and cinnamony-sugar goodness. I immediately thought, "with a day like I'm having today, I deserve some cookies." For some reason, all logical thought processes shut down. It wasn't even until I had consumed about a half a dozen of them that I realized what I'd done. Calories and points and the sacrifices I'd need to make to balance out my day never entered into my mind. Going forward with my day, I could have made the decision to let it go, but I was consumed with self-loathing.
By the evening, my teeth were killing me. The wire they used this time was much heavier than the last and I couldn't chew if I wanted to. So I fell asleep on the couch. When my sister (who is also my housemate) arrived home last night, she snuck quietly to the kitchen and made me some tomato soup for dinner.
I was totally appreciative, but that didn't stop me from becoming a complete jackass. After finishing my soup, I announced that what I really needed was a milk shake. My sister, who I will refer to as "The Peach" in the rest of this post, reminded me that a milk shake wasn't consistent with my goals, especially after Snickerdoodle Fest '08. I then became sullen and cranky--a state which basically lasted until I went to sleep and probably caused The Peach no end of misery.
So looking back on yesterday (if you haven't clicked away in disgust) I realize that the only truly bad thing that happened to me was me. I had a shitty attitude from the start and spoiled what could have been an otherwise lovely day. If I hadn't had such a bad attitude, I probably wouldn't have gone apeshit on the cookie tray and I certainly wouldn't have been bitchy to The Peach.
All I can do is learn from yesterday (and think of creative ways to make up for being a Gremlin). I'm making a concerted effort to focus on the positive. I've got a lot of reasons to be happy and excited about life.
Of course, one of these is a fresh start. As you can see if you look to the sidebar, I've joined Chubby Chick's Christmas Challenge! Christmas has always been my very favorite holiday, so that's certainly something to look forward to. That said, I'm being weary lest my old demons rear their ugly heads. While my goal of getting below 200 pounds by Christmas is lofty, I believe it's achievable. But if I don't get to onderland by Christmas, that's okay too. I know that if I focus my efforts, I'll lose at least some weight by then.
So what are you happy and excited about today? Have you ever had an irrational bitch day?
5 comments:
make your apologies where necessary, forgive yourself, and go on from here - focusing on the positive (don't forget your fabulous NSV's of the other day) and you can leave your bitchy day behind.
We all have those days when we surprise ourselves with how miserable we can be but can't seem to stop ourselves.
I'm looking forward to a good visit with an old friend tonight - but she is cooking supper and doesn't know about my goals....I am worried about what she will serve - will it be a problem for me? will I be able to minimize my servings without offending? I know I should have told her ahead of time, but I didn't think of it until this morning, and knowing her, she's already got her meal all planned out.
Trying not to worry about it all day.
Karyn,
Thank you for making me feel better! It's nice to know I'm not the only one who sometimes has one of those days. My sister is, of course, the peach, and so instantly forgives me.
Good luck with your visit tonight. I understand why you're worried but it seems like you're mindful of your goals, so I know you'll do great!
We all have days like that from time to time. Forget about it and move on. :)
And let's look forward to Christmas when we can celebrate how much weight all of us have lost! :)
Love your blog!
Totally know where you're coming from... sometimes I wake up and think about spending 14 hours with my kids and it makes me want to climb back under the covers!! Not because they're difficult or we dont have fun, but because I'm not *in the mood* and it all seems so tedious. We all have those BLAH days where we hate the weight loss thing and give in to our self-sabotaging thoughts. HATE those days!!! But at least you recognize what you're doing - that's half the battle :)
Leslie
Oh my gosh I have a lot of those types of days. Usually around PMS and then there are 3 or 4 strung together. The cookies are just a bump in the road. :) Hope the weekend is better for you!
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