Monday, June 29, 2009

A Case of the Moooondays

It's Groundhog Day. I got on the scale this morning and it said 233.0 which means a total change of zilch this week. I was a little taken aback because I didn't expect to hit a bump so soon. In the past when I've "plateaued" it's always actually been because I wasn't being honest. I was telling myself that I was "dieting" but I was really eating cake or not measuring my food or something like that.

This week was different. By the numbers (calories in/out) I should have lost 2.24 pounds this week. This just shows what an inexact science this is (or does it have to do with my nutritional deficiencies that I mentioned in my last post?). I guess that sometimes you can do the right thing and get garbage results.

Another time, I would have thrown my hands up and hightailed it to the nearest bakery for some baklava. This time, I'm giving my body more time. I know that if I stick with it, I have to lose weight eventually. That's just the way it is. At least, even if I didn't lose weight, I grew stronger in the habits that will help me reach my goal. A week spent remaking myself is well spent.

Here's to a healthier week!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Feeling the Difference

Since I rededicated myself on June 1, I've challenged myself to go beyond just counting calories to focus on nutrition. There are a lot of great nutrition tracking websites out there; as I mentioned before, I've been using SparkPeople. I've tracked every bite I've taken and tried to stay within my calorie range. I've been trying to make sure I get the right amount of water, fiber, protein, fat and carbohydrates.

I honestly always felt like people who said good nutrition made them feel better were full of crap. I thought it was just one of the lies people told themselves when they can no longer cram pizza in their mouths. I imagined that the deprivation had made them delirious or something. That's why I was surprised that I actually did feel better after I started trying to eat healthier. I had way more energy, didn't feel half as bitchy as usual and felt more clear headed and focused. However, I denied that this could be a nutrition thing until this week.

It's been a busy week for me and I've felt like I was constantly rushing so I could fall behind. I've remained disciplined about tracking and exercising and I haven't gone over my calorie allowance once this week, but a lot of calorie dense, nutrient poor foods have creeped into my diet. I honestly think that there's room in my diet for a cookie a day or a half a cup of frozen yogurt, but this week, junk food has taken up at least a third of my calories. This means I'm not leaving enough room for real nutrition and to tell the truth, I've really felt the differnce. I've been dragging and I've found it so much harder to get through my day.

Today I'm back to a focus on real nutrition. I'm worth the effort it takes to plan and I'm craving that energy.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Weekly Weigh In

New weight: 233

Change: -2.0!

Sorry about the short post. It's late and I'm exhausted but I wanted to check in.

Monday, June 15, 2009

There's Never a Good time

In 2007 I lost about thirty pounds. It's the same thirty pounds that I've kept off through holidays, and tough semesters and Ben and Jerry's pittyfests. I lost it when I was really scared for my health and had three miraculous, stress free months during which to focus myself.

But then in the fall of that year, a long brewing problem with my parents blew up. Things got bad and I needed to find a new place to live in a hurry. It's not that it wasn't about time I was out on my own, but it was the way it happened and the terrible hurt it created that set me back. I gave myself permission to stop trying "for now" and went back to the chocolate chip self medicating.

Then Christmas of that year came and I was stressed out about the rift in my family that continued throughout the holidays. I just couldn't diet then! Then in January, my cat died and I was devastated. How could I say no to pizza? Then I had a tough semester. Then I went on a conference. Then I took a summer class. Then I was robbed. Then more conferences, holidays, heartaches; then more challenges with grad school and work. Then I had a car accident. Then I bought a new car. Then someone hit my new car.

The point of my list of major stressors is not that I want sympathy. In fact, if this was a contest, I bet that each of you could come up with a list that would put mine to shame. Actually, my point is that easing my expectations of myself seemed to make sense each time. It seemed like a smart idea to wait for a "good time". Why complicate life? What I didn't realize until recently is that there will never be a good time. That's life. There will always be some drama and heartache and if I only use the times in between to work toward my goals, I'll never reach them.

That's why, even though I'm in class five hours a day after work this month, I recommitted myself to my weight loss efforts on June 1st. I wanted to shout it from the roof tops. I wanted to tell all of those people who checked in on me while I was waiting for the "right time" these past three or four months that I was back, that I missed them too and I was ready to do it this time, but I thought it might sound hollow after all of my past false starts. I needed the words to be 100% true and I needed to have some success under my belt.

So I'm back and am officially on my 17th day of badass discipline. I'm tracking every last bite and sip on SparkPeople and I'm making exercise a priority. I'm staying within a calorie range of 1600-1950 which is allowing me to lose weight at a modest pace without turning into a chocolate craving beast.

How am I doing? I started the month hanging my head at 243 lbs. I had gained some wait while I was waiting for life to be perfect. I weigh in on Mondays, and this Monday I was at 235.0 lbs. This time around, I am focusing on nutrition: getting a balance of fiber, protein, carbs and fat. I'm eating enough fruits and vegetables and drinking enough water. And you know what? I feel amazing. I have so much energy. Normally, I would be dragging myself through class, but I feel energized and purposeful. So really, by rededicating myself, I've turned this into the "right time" for positive change.

So don't wait! Come with me if you haven't started yet. We'll weather this together and come out happy and better able to handle those bumps in the road. If you've been going strong, thanks for blazing the trail. I've been so inspired by so many of you along the way.